Now, I may cry...
Grateful, grateful, grateful am I for my grandfather. The consistent solid man when I was wee.
He was solid to me. In my mind.
As a little girl, the world seemed uneven. I didn't have the easiest growing up years. Mistakes were my biggest fear from a very, very young age.
But I never thought about mistakes when my gramps was near.
When I was in elementary school I would spend a lot of time at my grandparents. Those memories are held with mortar. Can't take them out of the fire safe. They are rich with goodness.
My grampy owned his own painting business. He would come home from work when the sun was in its perfect spot. He smelled like hard work. I remember him washing his hands with gojo. I loved that orangy smell. He would then sweep me up in his arms, and strong arms they were. And bear hugs galore. His painty, natural smell felt safe.
And I like the smell of his cigarettes.
When I was so small, I watched scary movies. I loved them. Freddie Krueger was number one. I know, so strange. I remember cuddling up with my gramps in his big comfy chair to watch that bloody psycho murder people.
And we ate pizza. And I think of this fondly.
Maybe it was the fact that my grandparents obliged my nutty horror movie cravings or the spirit of cozy next to my grandfather was much stronger than that fake spirit of fear.
Regardless, comforting memory.
My grampy was a great dancer. Serious. He was known to be from way past to present. I like to think that's where some of my rhythm comes from. He and I use to dance around the room. Johnny Cash tunes and smooth moves. Oh my, I loved this.
Twirling and fast paced and slow. Laughter and dance face.
Last year we went to my cousins wedding and my gramps was one of the best dancers there.
My Meadows family, a bunch of dancin fools, we are.
Makes my heart soar.
My grampy always wore his clothes with dignity. He took pride in being clean. Crisp shirts, white socks.
A pants man.
He still does.
I love him so.
He is getting older and that's hard.
He has always, always shown me love. My whole life, I have always known. He kept his heart near me, and still does.
He loves my girl, and Ari's girl. He brought this life together. He sees it.
He eats it.
I love my grampy. He is one of the most stubborn men I know. He has sharp thoughts and a prideful way. But I know him.
And he is good, good, good.
He has shown me love, to which I will always be grateful. Forever.
Without him, the confidence that I did experience as a girl might have been different.
I would be different.
I am grateful for my grampy.
John Meadows.
And I think I am developing parts of his nose, which I will gladly take. And my mom is like the female version of my gramps, it's not even funny.
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