I read this recently and of course laughed because I am guilty of expecting every single day. I never seem to learn my lesson.
I expect things to go smooth. I expect my toddler to behave. I expect to clean my house. I expect to work on creative projects. I expect to make dinner on time, every night. I expect to be consistently joyful and exercised.
I don't know about you, but I am not a super mom. Nope. Not. I am not a super wife, or a super friend. I am not super organized or super "on it".
So my expectations clash with reality. Always. And this makes me, um, nuts.
Last week was hard. H-A-R-D. My little Ivy was sick all week. First of all, its hard to watch a sick two year old. Sad and heartbreaking because nothing can be done. The best part is the cuddles and the soup and the endless amounts of mindless TV but that last part becomes maddening.
Because my girl was sick, I had to cancel all of my Moonbugs classes. I thought, well, at least I will get some cleaning done. Maybe a creative project. Nope, that little sick girl became more like an endearing barnacle attached to my back. For five days.
As I write this, you should see me. Stank breath, insanely messy house, no productive project to speak of. I have a birthday party to plan, a kitchen to paint, presents to buy, and a bedroom to furnish. I also have Moonbugs to improve on and revamping of schedules to complete.
There is, of course, being a good mom, a good wife, and a healthy me.
After a long week it is hard to see clearly. After feeling like nothing was accomplished except eating lots of cookies and watching the cat hair accumulate, a victim mentality is very easy to accept. And that's gross. And it happened.
I became a snappy mom, grew a chubbier belly, a whiny third child to my tired husband. How attractive does that sound? Super, I know. Perfect. I present to you Super Psycho to ruin your day.
No, no, no. This is sick. I think what needs to change is the way I view things. Ihearyoumomstoplaughing. And this post sounds ultra negative, and it is. But what I haven't said is that during the mundane, same, same, same I found those moments every parent talks about...
I rubbed Ivy's back and sang her songs as she fell asleep. I watched her giggle a lot. I tried to make her comfortable and cozy, like my mom did for me when I was sick. I enjoyed her facial expressions and studied the Eric in her, and the me. And the rest of our family. I realized how great it was to be just her and I. To take care of her. To be her warmth.
If I could just take hold of the moment rather than the go, go, go I would be much better off. To expect nothing but to love. How simple and easy. And even though it may feel hard, it really is easy. And better. And honest. And kind. For myself and for others.
So, as I
No comments:
Post a Comment